I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think people are normalizing furries
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
