Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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