just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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