All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
