Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
