I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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