i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
