My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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