you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
