there was a trapeze. enough said
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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