i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
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I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
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His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I love you. Go after that dick