you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
where are you?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.