I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry