The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
