I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.