I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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