Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
