The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
