You surviving the open bar?
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Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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