oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
