I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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