You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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