eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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