OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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