They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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