you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
