my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
