If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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