Just cropdusted the office
we made out on top of his cat.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
