it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
