That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
