I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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