And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
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