after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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