I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
