Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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