I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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