I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Sext me about skeletons
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
