I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
