That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
