who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
