I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
