Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
