this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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