That's intense
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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