Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
