he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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