i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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