God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize