The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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