Texts From Last Night

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  (905): View more from Toronto

  Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich

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  (905): Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich http://tfl.nu/gjvv
  Replies (107) Good night (942) Bad night (14865)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.

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  (410): It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force. http://tfl.nu/y0by
  Replies (44) Good night (3555) Bad night (1809)
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  (909): View more from California

  do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?

  (760): View more from California

  and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook

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  (909): do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"? (760): and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook http://tfl.nu/nbai
  Replies (28) Good night (4813) Bad night (723)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me

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  (610): Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me http://tfl.nu/1f94
  Replies (35) Good night (1620) Bad night (4588)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever

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  (913): he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever http://tfl.nu/f5uq
  Replies (35) Good night (659) Bad night (6933)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?

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  (405): i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk? http://tfl.nu/idqr
  Replies (25) Good night (5448) Bad night (1540)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.

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  (785): i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love. http://tfl.nu/j8m9
  Replies (29) Good night (9654) Bad night (1479)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.

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  (586): conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features. http://tfl.nu/gno1
  Replies (15) Good night (5924) Bad night (968)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us

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  (863): In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us http://tfl.nu/7cnb
  Replies (4) Good night (2319) Bad night (966)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.

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  (636): He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us. http://tfl.nu/lk9h
  Replies (8) Good night (2024) Bad night (759)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place

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  (314): Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place http://tfl.nu/v09l
  Replies (1) Good night (913) Bad night (583)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.

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  (303): I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo. http://tfl.nu/muyk
  Replies (10) Good night (638) Bad night (1015)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?

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  (321): Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after? http://tfl.nu/icc6
  Replies (8) Good night (896) Bad night (419)
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  (415): View more from California

  We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home

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  (415): We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home http://tfl.nu/a6an
  Replies (1) Good night (712) Bad night (215)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.

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  (847): So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along. http://tfl.nu/d3ni
  Replies (2) Good night (539) Bad night (227)

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