i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.