I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!