Texts From Last Night

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  (636): View more from Missouri

  At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You fucking left with him didn't you?!

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  (636): At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand" (314): You fucking left with him didn't you?! http://tfl.nu/a3ou
  Replies (33) Good night (1653) Bad night (3943)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.

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  (317): and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka. http://tfl.nu/vpiu
  Replies (10) Good night (4636) Bad night (626)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.

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  (214): Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever. http://tfl.nu/bza6
  Replies (29) Good night (9074) Bad night (1563)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day

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  (847): I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day http://tfl.nu/i0qa
  Replies (20) Good night (1731) Bad night (5770)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in

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  (202): You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in http://tfl.nu/2mgj
  Replies (5) Good night (2780) Bad night (1147)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook

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  (419): I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook http://tfl.nu/40z7
  Replies (25) Good night (2660) Bad night (696)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am

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  (864): Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am http://tfl.nu/oar5
  Replies (5) Good night (693) Bad night (1332)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I had him autograph the condom wrapper.

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  (573): I had him autograph the condom wrapper. http://tfl.nu/xdb0
  Replies (8) Good night (1804) Bad night (582)
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  (805): View more from California

  There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it

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  (805): There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it http://tfl.nu/82im
  Replies (6) Good night (1193) Bad night (523)
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  (369): View more from California

  I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.

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  (369): I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter. http://tfl.nu/wfue
  Replies (4) Good night (1100) Bad night (303)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.

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  (+44): Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok. http://tfl.nu/txm6
  Replies (0) Good night (387) Bad night (682)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?

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  (513): No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand? http://tfl.nu/roqu
  Replies (2) Good night (869) Bad night (294)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.

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  (716): Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package. http://tfl.nu/axq4
  Replies (3) Good night (983) Bad night (219)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips

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  (262): ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips http://tfl.nu/avor
  Replies (2) Good night (653) Bad night (302)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.

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  (248): People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves. http://tfl.nu/gb5a
  Replies (2) Good night (314) Bad night (669)

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