worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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