just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
