and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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