Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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