this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
