Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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