I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
