bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
