I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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