Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.