You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.