She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.