I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
