Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
People in love make me want to vomit
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
