its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
