I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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