i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Randomize
