i just had sex bonerless
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
