It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Fuck appropriateness.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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