I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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